My heart was heavy yesterday. It was one of those days when I just can't seem to get myself out of a funk, mostly because I'm preoccupied with how I got in the funk in the first place.
I'm one of those people that worries way too much about what other people think. And although I've repeatedly tried to get over this, it just doesn't seem to be in my nature. It kills me to think that someone might not like me, or might think that I am unkind or anything like unto it. I OBSESS over it. (Ask my husband...he'll probably roll his eyes like, "Do you even KNOW this woman? OF COURSE.") I just hate thinking that I am the cause for someone else's discomfort or hurt feelings.
So I was pretty much locked in my brain most of yesterday worrying about a situation of this sort and thinking about how it really bugs me that this stuff really bugs me. (Sounds like fun, huh.) Especially in this particular situation where it seems like there really isn't anything I can do about it. No matter what I say, I don't think it will change anything.
UGH.
I hate that pit of despair feeling that seems to make your whole body depressed. It felt like my whole evening was in slow motion. (p.s. Folding laundry in slow motion is a drag.)
My children did little to encourage the funk to lift. Usually, they are pretty good at cheering me up (especially the baby!), but I guess they didn't get the memo that mommy needed happy kids. (It doesn't help that at least half the house has been sick with something for at least the last, oh...six weeks? And that we're still struggling through it.) The girls did alright, but they seemed extra prone to sibling squabbles and WHINING. (Mom's biggest pet peeve. Yay.)
Liam was cranky all evening. Those stubborn teeth refuse to give the poor thing a break. I could not do anything to make him happy for longer than 10 minutes. I had planned on finishing one of my big (secret) projects that has been taking all of my spare time for the last month, but alas, it was not to be. He wanted me to try to hold him all night while he tried to wiggle away. We ended up vegging on the couch during the "debate" because I just COULD NOT TAKE ANY MORE. At least that numbed my senses for a little while. (Is it bad that watching those two speak makes me so uncomfortable that I have to get up and leave the room every few minutes? I am physically incapable of watching either one of them for extended periods of time.)
So yeah...my night was a BLAST. I still haven't gotten the funk to lift completely, but at least it is a little better due to my Amazing (!!!!) Mom and Sis-in-Law. They gave me some good ideas for the birthday party. Now I can finally get an e-mail out since I finally have an idea what we're going to do (e-mails count as invitations, shut up).
Sorry for being such a downer. Hope I didn't offend anyone. Or hurt any feelings...
Here we go again...
We'll have to talk about my phobia of parties later. I'm sure it will come up again soon.
3 comments:
Ah my dear friend, I SOOOO understand the funk thing and the sick thing. I/Jade has been fighting the same thing for 6 weeks. That is a good chunk of the reason I haven't been blogging, too negative. I hope you continue to move out of your funk quickly and wish your kids get ALL better now. I LOVE YOU!!!
So, first off - it was almost painful to watch that dancing. Second, I know how you feel about obsessing. I have hung onto friendships for way to long because I want them to still like me. Third, I hope the funk has lifted by now and you are ready for some fun town rather than funky town.
I know! Seriously, why do we get so wrapped up in what other people think!?!?!? Who cares! But we do, don't we... It gives me a stomach ache when I think about it.
Next time when you send the memo out to the kids about cheering mom up, include my kids, oh and ask Heavenly Father to fax over the "master plan". I could use a look at that right now...
I love ya - and if I can love ya for I don't know... 25 years!! Who cares about anyone else. ;-)
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