Wednesday

Alyssa and Kenna were arguing in the back seat of the car on the way home from Grandma T.'s this afternoon. To paraphrase how it went:

A: "I wanna go to Christmas."
M: "Go to Christmas?"
A: "Yeah. I wanna go to Christmas."
M: "You can't go to Christmas."
A: "Why, Sisa?" (her way of saying sister)
M (with her eyes rolling and the exasperated hand movements): "Because Christmas is a DAY. Not a place."
A (like the lightbulb finally came on): "OOOOOH, it's a WEDnesday."

I'm not even sure what that means, or why, but it struck me as REALLY funny this afternoon.

Maybe that's because I had just gotten done going to the hospital with Mom and Dad and some siblings for Dad's biopsy (only to discover that we weren't actually DOING the biopsy today, we were just MEETING the doctor that would do it on Friday) and I really needed something to be funny.

Don't get me wrong, it was a good time hanging out with the FAM and all, but I like hanging out under more pleasant circumstances. Sometimes I feel like all this with dad being sick is just a bad dream and I'll wake up and everything will be right again. Sometimes I can let myself forget about it and it feels like life is just normal. But you never know when you will have good days and when you will have bad ones. Today was one of those days that the weight of it all just came crashing down on me again.

Today's worry was that I already miss that my dad won't be there for all the big events in my kids lives. I know it's really stupid to worry about things that haven't happened yet (or in this case haven't NOT happened yet...) but family has always been such a big deal to me. I want them to be able to have him there. I want them to KNOW him. To know how fabulous and amazing he is. To know his great sense of humor and positive attitude about everything. To hear all his funny growing up stories. I want them to REMEMBER. Remember how much fun they have with him. And then I feel this desperate need to write everything down, commit everything to memory, or carry my video camera with me everywhere just so they will have a record of it all - so they can know and remember all the great things about him that I know and remember.

It kind of makes me think that this is how the prophets might feel in trying to teach us about Heavenly Father (not that I am worthy in ANY way to parallel my life to a prophet's...) They wanted so badly to convey everything about our Father, so we too can KNOW and REMEMBER.

It reminded me of a scripture in John 17:25-26:

"O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee...
"And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them..."

I hope I can do this for my children.